Saturday, February 8, 2014

My heart hurts...

 My heart hurts
It is heavy, and it is literally broken.
Embracing Scott for the last time, tightening my grip when he softly whispered, "It's time" in my ear. Not wanting to let go.
One final kiss laced in equal parts of passion & sorrow. 
Staring into the eyes of my strong Husband, knowing how much he was struggling to leave me.
Our goodbye was something that will always stay in my heart.

But my heart is also strong. 
Strong enough to say goodbye to the man I love more than anything.
Strong enough to have that last embrace, that last kiss.
Strong enough to take care of our home, to take care of our puppy.
Strong enough to rely fully on God & letters.
Strong enough to be able to drive home through the tears.
Strong enough because I made Scott a promise that I would be.
I would be strong throughout this.

Yesterday was easily the hardest day of my life. 
The goodbye was so drawn out. I had to drop him off at 9:30 in the AM and then come back at 11:30. They didn't leave until 5 PM.
 Super long, super draining. Oh and freezing! 
And the worst part is that you have no idea what to expect.
No one can prepare you for the moment you have to tell your Husband goodbye for eight long months. Every time they called the guys to go do something, we wondered if that was our last goodbye. 
I think that the part that I hated the most, besides saying goodbye to my love, was seeing all of the couples and families embracing each other. Knowing that each one of them are feeling the exact same way as myself---- Completely, and utterly heartbroken.
Children crying, wives weeping, Husbands & fathers trying to be strong.

It was awful, but it also made me super excited about the homecoming and being able to see the happy embraces!
Now my countdown isn't when Scott leaves, but when he comes home. And that is a moment that is so precious. A moment that you don't experience unless there is military involved. 
I can't wait until I will be able to run and jump into Scott's arms. Have him swing me around & kiss me the way we are dying to. Us to walk into our home and Mallow go crazy because her dad is finally home! Be able to be mesmerized by my hero's stories and experiences. 

There are so many things that I am looking forward to while he is away. I am ready to begin writing my Husband letters again. While we were apart when I lived in Australia, I fell deeper in love with him through his words. 
His words to me are like water to a dying man in a desert.
 A breath of fresh air. 
I can't wait to see how we grow as a couple during this separation and how God will work wonders through us. 
I am able to attend my friend's bible study for the wives here.
I am able to go home for a few months and be with my family!!!!!!! I get to see my friends and work with kids. Be able to be there for so many big moments {birthdays, weddings, graduations]. 
I am able to have another Vernal, Utah summer! 

So his deployment is a bittersweet time. 
We will miss each other terribly, but we both have exciting times ahead of us! {Except I would love to be the one traveling Europe ha}
I want to thank everyone who is there for us and with me throughout this whole experience. Praying for us. Sending Scott care packages. You mean more to us than you will ever understand! 
Our last dinner date before he leaves. A Thai restaurant to ourselves! 

Hubby & I decided to do the "Open when" letters. I might have already read the "Open when you miss me" letter... which I think will be a daily reading! Scott gave me a bible verse in it and I am fairly certain that it will be memorized fast!










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7 comments:

  1. This is precious, Kassidi. And so very true. Keep writing - for yourself and to him. It will help you process everything and keep a good record of your beautiful, continuing love story. Love ya, girl.

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    1. Thank you Liza! I'm so excited for our study and the way God is going to work through this time apart from our husbands. I will! I don't want to forget any part of this journey, you as well! Loves!

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  2. Hang in there! My husband just returned from 6 months and the homecoming was amazing. I know everyone told me this and it always made me mad, but it'll fly by.♥ If you need anything, let me know. I am a military wife myself :)
    xoxo, Shalyn

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    1. Thank you! I believe you, I've said it before as well. Any advice would be appreciated! :)
      Ps. SO glad that your husband is home! Tell him thank you for me!

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  3. This brings back so many memories. You have been on my mind, and I'm praying for God to reveal himself in so many ways to make you feel His presence and grow stronger! You have a great strength already. Keep focused on the positives! God has amazing work to do through you!!! :) Truly a light!

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  4. Oh Kassidi! I cannot even imagine the sorrow and longing you must be feeling and will continue to feel until you two are reunited! I will keep his safety in my prayers at all time, as well as your peace of mind, and distraction that the next 8 months will seem like nothing.

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  5. You are an amazing person Kassidi.. I am in awe every time you write. You are so strong. I am so happy I have had the awesome experience to be with you and Scott on your wedding day. But most of all, I am proud to call you my friend. .. can't wait to see you.. praying for you.

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